Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
