I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
