weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
