Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
