Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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