My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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