and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
