I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
