capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How's work?
Spinning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
