She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
