Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
