your parents love me but you hate me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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