Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
