she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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