I look better un-naked...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
