Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
