pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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