He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We don't watch enough power rangers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
