You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
