no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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