I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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