You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
