im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
