So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize