Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
