im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
