never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
