god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
