he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
