You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
