yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
