SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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