They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
