I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
