evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
