Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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