Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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