9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
