I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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