Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
