i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
