Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
