We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We don't watch enough power rangers
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
