If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
