it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
