what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize