I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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