recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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