I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize