i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
