Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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