I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
