You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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