with your own penis?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
