so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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