I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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