I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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