just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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