She said her name was "party"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Are my feet made of real feet?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
