no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize