3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
