I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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