Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Four minutes until I can fart!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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