he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize