it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
