I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Four minutes until I can fart!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
