they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
