the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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