Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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