pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize