Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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