I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
