I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
