I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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