New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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